Hey Look Out! It's a New Year

It's getting cold outside, there's a new president on its way, and the internet is getting bigger. I had better make some predictions for this year, or I'll have to give up a few good " I told ya so" opportunities.

So here we go:
A remake of MASH will be made. It will star the cast of the big bang theory.

Left to right: Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Penny, Leonard, Howard, Stuart, and of course, Raj.

(Henry Blake and Father Mulcahey actors to be determined)

I cant believe no one has come up with this idea yet!

The food network will change its name to "the pretty chef who I dont believe ever washed dishes in their entire life"channel.

I sure hope she is Serve Safe certified

A cure will be found for a terrible disease. People will never have to suffer from Affluenza again. The cure will be called " NO"

"Hey, any body seen my douchebag? oh, there I am."

Much like NFL players, spelling bee participants shall demand recompensation for the years after they stop being cute and can no longer compete.

your word is eyecup. "icup, I-C-U-P, icup. (crowd explodes in laughter)

Our next president will either be male or female. In other words, It will not be Bruce Jenner.

Seriously, I did NOT see this one coming

A new religion will be organized, with fanatical followers, some achieving martyr-like status. All shall worship at The Church of the Holy Gluten Sensitivity.

I can already see this symbol on t-shirts, jewelry and prius' everywhere.

Recreational Marijuana use will be legal in at least half of the 50 states. This will be the main contributory factor in the great Cool Ranch Dorito shortage of the next half century.

you gotta admit, they are delicious!

Fit bit and other fitness bands will become useless as we embrace different, more useful technology. There will be a reclining toilet virtual reality television nutrient delivery system in every living room. ( aka The Watch and Poop)

Currency will fail, we will become a nation trading vinyl records of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and homemade mix tape cassettes as a means to procure goods and services. Everybody's still got at least one of those.

Ladies and gentlemen, the next Bill Gates

Vaping will become less popular as people gravitate towards fully clothed public masturbation as a way to draw attention to themselves outside office buildings and in coffee shops everywhere.

Or make them get this tatoo. Just as embarrassing.

There's my list. I'm gonna check back on it next January and see how I did. I'm shooting for at least the Watch and Poop. That would be cool.

Feel free to put your own predictions in the comments section below, there will be a prize awarded for every correct prediction, and I predict it will not be a prize of value.

Pistolgrip Out.

Turn and face the strange

Wow, David Bowie gone.

Someone who inspired me to learn the phrases " wham bam, thank you maa'm" and also how to call Major Tom from ground control.
A man who reinvented himself with every decade, from Ziggy Stardust at the beginning of the punk  movement, on to Alladin Sane, through the Thin White Duke of the second British invasion, and on to be the distinguished gentleman of all things avant garde.
He had an ability to steal the spotlight by becoming someone entirely different on stage. People like Buster Poindexter and Twisted Sister give respect every time they put on their makeup.
He had such (sound and) vision that he played the title character in a movie about a song he wrote, fittingly about an alien, The Man Who Fell to Earth.
He was a pioneer of the MTV era, as well as the digital age.
One of the first transvestite, gender bending, I don't give a shit performers.
Got married interracially, before it was widely accepted, to a freaking supermodel, no less.
Portrayed a goblin king in a kids movie, and nailed it. If you haven't seen Labyrinth, do it now.

Ch-ch-ch-changes / Turn and face the strange.

Damn, I'm gonna miss him.

Rest in Peace, Ziggy.

Hello 2016, shake hands with me.

I would formally like to invite 2016 into my life. It has been a long time coming, and its about time.
I'm not making this post about stupid resolutions, or dreams of the future, because that is just stupid. Nobody follows up on that stuff anyways.
I may talk a little about what may happen in the next year, and come back next January, and see how I did. Probably my next post, but not this one.
I want to recap last year, put it to bed, start anew, turn over a new leaf, press restart, and whatever other euphemisms I can come up with.
I have a few topics rolling around the old hat holder, lets dive right in shall we?
In no chronological order:
I had Partial knee replacement surgery right after christmas, went very well. in fact, I feel most people made a bigger deal out of it than me. yeah it hurt, but nothing compared to the bone on bone grinding that I was living with every day. I was beginning to stumble around like a zombie from the walking dead. (which by the way is how I spent my recovery, bingeing and purging my netflix cue)
I am pretty young for this procedure, so I found it quite amusing listening to everyone say things like " yeah, my granpa had that, he also had both his hips done, as well as his liver removed" geez us!
you cant have my liver! I still need that!
I had to go to a class presurgery, I was roughly half the age of everyone else in there. oh the stories I heard.
theres one in every group, or three if we are talking about octogenarians. I pretty much know one lady's entire medical history, dating back to the 1800's. Her family's medical history, sisters, brothers, 2nd cousins, and dogs previous owner included. I also know what kind of car they used to drive (before the operation), their favorite color, and specific bathroom preferences. And I do mean SPECIFIC.
I heard many local colloquialisms like onnacownada (on the count of), met-ull (metal), ass burn (aspirin), and my personal favorite Pussyness (sounds like fussyness, not the female-like adjective).

My sixteen year old son also got his drivers liscense, I had forgotten what a big deal this is. He is now legal to operate a motor vehicle in all 50 states and some other countries too. a whole new set of challenges presented themselves to me when I started driving, things like what can I hide in the trunk? or how far do I have to go to air out the car with the windows down? or what is the least likely route for me to take to not get seen by any of my relatives/neighbors? these things were harder to learn than actual driving was.

I took a promotion at work, I am one for challenges, but this ate it from the ass in. At the same time I took the promotion, we lost a good percentage of our management team. I was forced (admittedly, of my own desire to not fail) to work a butt load of hours, no days off, shortened vacation, and having to do the work of 3 people, while training some new ones. the replacement for my old job lasted 3 weeks, gave his notice, stayed on another 2 weeks in STD mode. That's Short Timers Disease, for those that think it means something else, like gonorrhea. which probably is less painful. Things have settled down now, got my shit together, somewhat. Now its time to do it all over again.

I went to Canada last summer, Toronto, to be exact. Great city, great people, I want to move there. NOW. They literally have everything I need there, beer, back bacon, and Rush. Which was the entire purpose for the trip. I dragged my wife along, she wouldnt go to the concert onnacownada (see above) shes no Geddycorn ( a mystical female creature only spotted at Rush concerts, usually exceptionally good looking, intelligent, and appearing to enjoy quality progressive rock), although she does possess three of these five qualities. My son attended with me, I'm not sure he has recovered/accepted it yet. He is one of us now. Awesome show, one more thing off my list before the dirt nap.
We also took a trip to Niagra Falls, if you have never been, go. its really cool. Commercial, expensive, and crowded, but awesome to see nonetheless.

I started a pretty aggressive exercise program, for me at least. Did well with it, until the summer shitstorm hit, Couldnt find the time/energy, and the old knee gave out on me. I know, excuses, excuses. they are like arses, they all stink. Not that aggressive really means anything, Hell, getting off the recliner and reaching for a beer from the back of the fridge(thats where I keep the special ones) is considered aggressive for me. I'm looking forward to healing this hinge in my leg and at least do a little more outdoorsy stuff ( see previous post, titled day Hikes and Haikus, find it under "old stuff" on the right) That, and I need to stop eating about three fourths my weight in cake.

Looking back, I dont want to change anything, except the bone grinding thing, that sucked. I learned some pretty valuable lessons, and I am bound to learn a few more. Made some new friends, lost touch with some old ones, Hoping to reform those bridges to my past and future.
My sincerest wish is that everyone who reads this has a fantastic and meaningful 2016, Heck, I even wish it upon those who don't read this. why not?

That is my first entry for this year folks,
why not sign up for the updates, on the right of your screen, and you can get them when I write 'em.
I hope that thing works, otherwise, I am just talking to my self, Again.

Don't resist it, shake hands with it, its a brand new year.

Pistolgrip Out