Day hikes and Haikus

So one day a few weeks ago I was giving my son a ride to school, and I saw the same windmills in the distance that I have seen for the last five years or so. Thats when I made the decision.I was going to touch one today. a windmill that is.

I had no idea how to get there, nor any idea of the adventure that was to come. Not a huge epic adventure, not life altering, not faith building, and not awe inspiring. at least not to anyone but me.

After I dropped The Sauce at school,  I headed toward my destiny of windmills and nirvana. As I stopped to put some fuel in my vehicle I asked the person at the pump next to me " Hey, How do I get to the windmills?" as the saying goes, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. "that way, go up the mountain" was my answer, so I did. I had a little help from modern technology, namely google earth, but I found my way going uphill, rather quickly. and steeply.

I turned down a road that I thought was the way but it turned out to be a dead end. or so I thought. as I turned around in one of the two structures on this road, a person came out to see what was going on, so, in the interest of not pissing anyone off, I exited my vehicle, and told them I was just turning around, they seemed okay with it, then someone else exited the house and said hello, I in turn said hello, and we began a nice conversation. I asked how to get the windmills, yet again, a stupid question, I just dont learn when it comes to these things." up the mountain", they said.

the one person asked why I was going up there,they said they do a lot of walking, and running up there, and that is was very nice. they then asked if I wanted to see the view from their deck.

STOP. I know what your thinking, IS HE NUTS?

well, yes, I kinda am. But these people seemed real nice and I got a good vibe from them, so what the hell? whats the worst that could happen? well the worst that could happen probably involves duct tape, vaseline, and several years of therapy. I'm not opposed to two of those items, ill let you decide which two. but none of that happened, so cool. right?

now, back to the story. I saw an awesome view from a deck stretching out of the side of a mountain, in the distance there was a helicopter, slowly moving towards us. one of my hosts commented that they wondered who it was. I thought this was a little odd, we are in Wyoming the county, not Wyoming the state. people use cars, and bicycles, and walk to places, not take helicopters. as it turns out one of my hosts was a former pilot, and he said he might know them. RIIIIght, I thought, how wrong I was. So this Brand new helicopter, about the size of a bus came close enough to me where I could see the passengers face, I could feel the wind from the propeller, and could barely hear anything but the roar of the engines. I felt like Hawkeye Pierce on M*A*S*H*. or Frank "Ferret Face" Burns, whatever.

after conversing a little it was discovered that I went to high school with one of them, albeit a few years difference, but we know  alot of the same people. like it is in disney, a small world, after all.(insert song here)

Very, very, very cool, indeed. on the side of a mountain, with a good amount of the county spread out before me.

after that, I thanked my hosts, and took my leave, up the mountain, with some directions and advice.

The only thing I regret, was not having my phone/camera/twitter/facebook machine., but I will forever remember the feeling, which is much more powerful than any picture.

I continued on my journey, up the mountain. From here I am going to let the pictures do the work of a thousand words, maybe more. With some observations and explanations thrown in, because I sometimes have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, or my fingers still.

A side note: I dropped off The Sauce at 8am was back at my car at noon. I did a lot of hiking, thinking, exercising, thinking some more, and sweating. oh yeah, I smiled a lot too. In true shiny things fashion, I just kind of went wherever my feet and my mind took me. Im surprised I didn't get lost. So was my wife, and She knows me better than I know myself.

I came upon this early on, it strikes me as odd that the environmentalist in me is okay with it, It provides clean energy, its not hurting anyone, just don't screw with it. That bitch will f*** you up.

this made me think of Bon Scott, and what his grave site should look like.

I walked up on this, then I remembered it from my high school years. It is called the Forkston Fire Tower.We used to go up there and cause trouble, usually after dark, usually with persons of the opposite gender. when I was younger it was the pretty much the coolest/highest place you could see from a distance. In fact, I used to look at it every morning, while I waited for the bus. There is a fence around it now, I texted a friend of mine who lives far away, in a very flat place, a picture, And I think he thought it was kinda cool too. (insert previous song here, too). I love the internet, and all its proclivity for interconnectedness.

alas, one must put up barriers, to keep one self intact. (insert bass riff here) (Rush reference, more to come on that subject, in a future blog)

as I walked away, pensively, I came upon this. An old stucture, probably one of the first before the windmills, I would like to live there.

this is what looks like the shop that maintains these behemoths. oddly, not a soul in sight, middle of the week 9am or so. not hat I am complaining, I would be suspicious if there were a lot of activity. it was very peaceful up there, only the sound of the windmills, like a train in the distance.

here at the base of one, unbelievably tall, and huge, and solid. about 20 feet around, solid steel and concrete. they give the impression thay go under ground for miles, straight down.

again at the base, this second pic is close up of the warning on it. I laughed out loud at the sparky, mean, electricity demon poking the person with his lightning bolt arm. And it tells you what to do if you find it open. besides run away, because that electric demon is inside.

This is the part of the day when I realized I probably should not be here.

I put my hand on it(the windmill, that is), stood there for a second, celebrated the accomplishment, texted my son, and moved on. wishing he was here with me, next time, Sauce, next time.

so I walked off into the wood, saw a few neat things, an old sign that said Bear Wallow. I picked up the pace a little, I am a little scared of bears.

then I found myself back here, it was like seeing an old friend, that you didn't get the chance to talk to the first time you ran into them, so you decided to spend some "quality time" with them, reminiscing.

I was a little upset with the whole fence thing, so I did something about it, because you only get a second chance once.

a quick look around, and then I became a criminal, seriously, it was the only time I trespassed all day, I couldn't resist, and I am not going to say it didn't feel wrong, and a little scary, Adrenaline took over. I love Adtrenaline, I dont get enough of it these days, something I have to do something about, but responsibly, I do have a life, after all.

when I got near the top, I recalled being a teenager up there one day, and the ranger was there. after he got all official and told us about it, explained its purpose, he took me up to the top, into the box like structure, I barley remember it because I was so scared, but remember the feeling, Thats why I was here today. when I got to the top, it was locked,

 DENIED!

a quick selfie ( man that sounds queer) and I am outta there! my knees are shaking so bad I feel like i'm being electrocuted.

the trip down was scarier than up!

Good bye, old friend. likely you will not be this accessible again, glad I had time to visit with you.

then in the middle of the woods, I saw this stucture, curious, I got closer and went around it.

glad to see somebody, is doing it right.

this is the view from the Captains Chair.

 I found this about a mile away, totally inaccessible, had to be there for 20 years or more. sad, it was probably someones dream getaway, now its just a trashed old meth lab. (probably)

some final pics and thoughts, if you have read this far.

I had a awesome day, met some great new friends, saw some pretty neat stuff, all in all, great day! we should all be this lucky to get out in nature and think, some times about nothing, sometimes about everything. The point is, in my opinion, that you are thinking, and enjoying the thoughts.

now, as promised, a haiku

Haikus are easy

but sometimes they don't make sense

refrigerator

pistolgrip out

In Defense of Dogs

aaaaand we're back!
hello everyone, Its been a while, I know. Sorry 'bout that, but I got STD. otherwise known as Shit To Do.
I am gonna write a little more this week, not only does give me a little creative outlet, but also a stress reliever, and a pretty darn good way to connect with some great people. So, if your reading this, do me a favor, share it with people. I know your not computer illiterate, after all, you are here, just right click and share to crackbook or twatter or myspace or whatever social disease you enjoy. Or you can highlight that long list of words and slashes and dots up top, copy and paste to your own blog or page and guess what? were connected! Ain't the interweb great! once you've seen this page enter your email into that box on the right and you will get notified when it gets new again. I promise you wont get useless stupid stuff, unless you consider this useless stupid stuff, then you will, I promise.

now onto the topic du jour,( that means with ice cream, or is that ala mode?)

Dogs
I love dogs, all dogs. short ones, long ones, hairless ones, fat ones, even annoying dogs have there own charisma, except when  they are being annoying. My wife and I have had a few dogs, I think we, like a lot of people, tried out our parenting skills on a dog before our son was born. Unfortunately our parenting skills did not progress as quickly as we would have hoped, when we graduated from dog to human.
What I mean is, you  raise a child the same way you raise a puppy, but puppies become dogs, and then they stop learning for a while, not learning anything. hence the old standby, "cant teach an old dog new tricks" adage. its true. because an old dog doesn't have to learn new tricks, He is still going to get fed, bathed, cleaned up after, rewarded, no matter what he does. Humans on the other hand, have to learn new tricks, or else they wont get a new cell phone. If I could teach the youth of today that lesson, I'd be a freaking millionaire. Fortunately, Our son is pretty smart, and likes to learn new tricks. It took us a little while to figure that out, I guess we are old dogs.

We currently have two dogs, How we ended up with two, I have no idea. it just happened.
The first one we got when our son was young, probably two or so. I remember the transformation my son had the absolute instant we got him. amazing. such power a dog has, and he probably doesn't even know it. or maybe they do. He turned from a needful post infant toddler into a little boy. instantly.
The second one we got about a year and a half ago, a female dog, a Bitch as it were. she is a totally different personality, set in her ways, selective hearing and over the top spoiled brat attitude. she snores like a drunken sailor, and if she had the gift of speech, she would talk like one too. I could tell. And she melts my heart everytime I look at her big brown beagle eyes. Its like watching Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstien, you cant not laugh.

I guess what I am getting towards is that dogs have a way all their own. They can be pets, companions, helpers, protectors, and life mentors. If we could all have a little dog in us, we would be a lot better off. Unless, of course, your in a third world country, and you call that dinner.

Thats all for today,
Pistolgrip Out

Touching The Puppet Head

I wanna talk about some stupid things. and some not so stupid things
These are the dumb things I gotta do, or to quote one of my favorite musical groups,
They Might Be Giants,
put your hand inside the puppet head.

As I go about my day touching the puppet head, going through the motions, I look forward to the moments which are uniquely mine. Sometimes they happen at breakneck speed, sometimes I have to coax them out of their shell. Usually they are there, right in front of me.

I am teaching one of my dogs sign language, because she is older, and I fear she has gone deaf, or at least gotten more selective in what she hears. She is a beagle, so we may never know the truth, as beagles pretty much do whatever they damn well please. Its not really sign language, more of a silly nonsensical gesture with my hands that means "time go out". and I look pretty silly doing it. all I really want is for her not to piss on the carpet. Pee smells.

I listen to the same band almost every day on my way to work. It is Rush, the best band in the universe. I don't listen to the same song, because that would be weird. I find their music influential and inspirational. I have followed them for my entire listening life, that is since being a teenager, when music means something different to every one. When I was in high school and college, I listened to a lot of music, I guess I still do, but it shaped me in ways I cant understand. there are songlines I travel, which take me to places only I know how to get to,

I have recently decided to take charge of my health, both physically and mentally. I don't drink nearly as much as I want to, I exercise more than I feel I should, and have given up all foods which are good and tasty. And I drink so much water, that I practically have to do it in the bathroom. Why, WHY!!, Ill tell you why, guilt, thats why. Its a powerful motivator, just ask any criminal. I feel guilty that I have had so much fun up until now, I had better start paying for it. Is that normal? I think it is. I have a coach, albeit I have never met her, except a phone conversation. She seems like a very nice person. She keeps tabs on me via a bracelet I wear, And an app I use on my phone. She texts me almost daily. She tells me what to eat, what to drink, and how to do it. I am not even married to her, and she may be a stalker.The silly part is, I asked for this. its kinda weird, I know, but so far she has been a great motivator, its almost better she hasn't met me face to face, she might rethink her decisions.

I do all these things because I feel it is right to. There is a reward to all of them, Health, Wealth and Happiness will ensue. I just gotta figure out when I want it to happen.

Do the dumb things I gotta do, touch the puppet head

If you dont believe me, watch the video below. (copy and paste it into your browser)

https://youtu.be/U24OvWVdVwA

Pistolgrip Out

oh, yeah, I almost forgot, post a comment below, so I know I am not talking to myself.

Lets talk about beer, Shall we?

Beer, Beer,everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Well, maybe........


Lets be brutally honest here. I like beer. not just any beer, good beer. Which is, and forever will be, my own opinion of what I think is good, and what sucks.
I am not a beer snob, I don't propose to have a refined palate, and I certainly am not an expert, but everyones gotta have a goal, ya know? I would consider myself a beer nerd, I know enough to make me dangerous, but ultimately harmless.
I believe in the freedom and responsibility of beer, our founding fathers knew this, I know this and everyone should know this. What the hell does that mean? I believe it means we should be able to drink what we want, pursuant to our own tastes and desired outcomes, in as much quanities as we see fit, as long as we don't endanger others by being a dumbass. Because we all know that beer sometimes brings about dumbassery. I have done some pretty stupid things while drinking beer, learned from it, and moved on. Just like our founding fathers did.
If you cant stop yourself from doing dumb things while drinking beer, then don't drink it. unless you don't care, then drink all you want, because I need someone to laugh at.
The rest of this post is going to be about my likes and dislikes, gathered from years of research and field testing. I am going to name a few of my favorites as well as my anti favorites and perhaps you will get a glimpse inside my psyche. its a twisted and confusing place, to be sure. Its all about the experience, the total package, the cash AND the prizes, if you will.There is no order, ranking, or scoring. If you'd like to see more, follow me on Untapped, its an app you can get for your phone that lets you rank and score beers. Its pretty cool, and kind of like Facebook for beer nerds. Search it for Pistolgrip.

Id like to say a few things about a few styles:

IPA - I drank you for a long time, back when they you new and exciting. Well baby, the honeymoon is over. I'm through with you and you constant hopping and rehopping. Why wont you just settle down and be a good beer? Youre never the same twice, and you make my sinuses clog up like a restroom at a cheese factory. Oh, I still love you, and I always will, Its a love/ hate thing.
Some of my favorites: Stone Enjoy by IPA, Evil Genius Evil Eye PA, Magic Hat hi.P.A.

Barley wine style ales - you suck. you have too much booziness in you for me to enjoy more than one, not that I ever have enjoyed even one. you taste like maple syrup mixed with furniture polish, not even the good kind of furniture polish. the kind you but at the dollar store. With the writing on it in two languages. side note: I opened one up when I started writing tonight, and as usual, I am getting ready to pour it down the sink, but I dont want to damage the plumbing. but yet again, why did I purchase such a vile concoction created in the depths of hell itself? because I like to try new things, hoping I will find "the one"and yes, there can be only one.
Some of my favorites: none, they all suck. PERIOD.

Lagers/Ales - Like siamese twins, you guys are pretty much the same body, but have different ideas. some of you are weak and unassuming while others are brash and exciting. Crisp and full of life or steady and hum drum. I dont always know what to expect, but its usually a good conversation, or a conversation starter. I'm not entirely sure of the difference between the two, but I know I like both.
some of my favorites: Yuengling Lager, Duclaw Euforia, Anchor California Lager.

Pilsners - one word, Ambiguous. I dont know which side of the fence you're on, man! one time you were light and refreshing, next thing I know you have enough hops to dry out a slug! Pick a team already!
Since I dont have any favorites these are some I have tried: Presidente, Corona, Budweiser(yeah, I know, it doesn't seem right)

Spiced/Fruit/Seasonal brews - I am glad your around, but please don't wear out your welcome. one or two of you and I am good. Please stop making an appearance in my Sam Adams variety case, if people liked you that much, they would invite you and all your friends to the party, not just two or three of you. If I wanted to something that tastes like lemonade, I would drink lemonade. Or cherries. Or apples. Or Strawberries. Or orange peels. The same goes for spiced beers, no cinnamon, ginger, bay leaves, or cardamon, please. When my friends try to push them on me, I see that as a direct assault on my sovereignty, and will proceed to exercise my right to bare arms, just warning you.
Some I find tolerable: Left Hand Good Juju (ginger) Evil Genious I Love Lamp (pineapple hefeweizen)

Porters/Stouts - You have special place in my heart, and my belly. I have always been a fool for a good porter. rich creamy, thick. the darker the better. Winter, summer, spring, or fall, all you have to do is call, and I'll come runnin" to see you again. Lately, it has all been about flavoring the stouts with chocolate or peanut butter, or both. I gotta say, It doesnt suck. I thought I would hate it, but I dont. mmmmmmm. I want one right now,
Some of my favorites: Guinness, Duclaw Sweet Baby Jesus, Evil Genius Purple Monkey Dishwasher, Abita Turbodog(not technically a stout, but still dark and delicious)

Thats all I am going to talk about today, I mostly like and drink American beers, probably because I am an American. I do like some other country's beers, but thats a different blog for a different time.

Like I said before, I am no expert, I may have gotten some styles or descriptions wrong, but who cares, A great man once said ( I think it was  Stephen Hawking, but I'm not sure)
Life Is Short, Drink Good Beer.

Pistolgrip Out

ps- dont be afraid to comment below, it lets me know I am not talking to myself. Because that would be weird. and I am definitely not weird.

Things that annoy me, and other books I am writing

Good Evening, Morning, Whatever.

This is the book that I am currently writing. Actually, its a notebook which I keep in my pocket, so I can write stuff down so I dont forget. Most of it is random thoughts, lists of silly ideas, or simply, things that annoy me.
there are couple of other books I would like to author, but will probably never happen, since it has taken me 46 years to start this blog.
I would like to offer up a few possible titles:
"How did I get here, and whats that smell?" (a mystery/travel journal)
"The science and lore of handling a cucumber" (a cookbook)
"How to lose friends and alienate people" (a prison survival guide)

But for now, let me tell you about some items in my current tome.

Vapor cigarettes annoy me. its like "I dont want to do something thats bad for me, so I will do something that MIGHT be bad for me" besides you get to look like an asshat at the same time.
some vape flavors I would like to see
- Shell fish
- Vanilla Dumpster
- Tongue Depressor
- Aluminum Foil
- Moldy Cheese
- Lysol

I think I am going to start referring to boring people by movie characters that they remind me of, instead of their names. That way I can think about the movie instead of wasting my time and having a conversation with them. This will work well with characters like Batman, Indiana Jones, or the Pedro guy from Napolean Dynamite. It would probably also work well with sitcom actors like Danny Tanner, Frank "Ferret Face" Burns, or Peggy Bundy.


When I use the internet or any other kind of digital media to communicate, I prefer to do it as if I were talking to the person face to face. I hear their voice in my head as I am reading it, and I like to use proper punctuation and spelling. I know this isn't always possible due to time or circumstances, but when I can, I do. Otherwise, it feels like I am making the other person work to figure out what I am saying.
I had a "conversation" the other day, via text message with five participants, that went something like this:

Me: I am running 15 minutes late, be there at 10:30
#1: K
#2: k be there in 10
#3: no prob
#4: (insert stupid smiley face here)

Really? you cant move your thumb up and over one space to hit the "O", Really? you can't even give me a capital K, even though you are trying to form a complete sentence? Really? you can't capitalize or spell out the word problem? I think you got a problem. and REALLY? you took the time to send a smiley face thingee? what, am I supposed to think that looks like you? They should have an emoji for I am a total freaking moron. you could have sent that one, instead. I would have got the same information.
While I am on the subject (this is turning into a rant, which is a subject for a different book), I dont like acronyms or whatever they call it when you shorten an expression or colloquialism down to a few letters. ROTFL(rolling on the floor laughing) , SMH (scratch my head), and WTF (why the face?) are not things I would say in real conversation so why would I abbreviate them?
Why are they abbreviating them anyways, are they afraid of being caught texting, or worse, afraid of having an actual conversation using their mouth and vocal chords, or is that too much work?
Sometimes I stop and think, what is the reason they are so short with me? Are they in church, are they a doctor performing open heart surgery, or maybe they are extremely obese and need to use a special texting wand to hit each letter because their fingers are too large and the phone is in a harness developed by somebody who had to endure the pain of not having been able to clap their hands because they have Tyrannosaurus Rex arms, let alone use a phone. (Stop and think about that one for a second......Okay)





that is all,
Pistolgrip Out

ps- put your email address in the box at the top of the page to get notified when I update again.
Since I was never popular in high school, this will almost be like having friends

The Long Con

I dont know why, but I was thinking about this as I woke up today.
 LOST Season 2, Episode 13, February 2006

A television series near and dear to my heart, one that challenged me to think differently, and not to expect what happens next. I'm a sucker for a good science fiction story, and this one took six years to tell.

this episode tells the story of a secret several years in the making, taking much planning and deception, all to provide personal gain, albeit money. Sawyer is at first depicted as a genius, then a hero, then, ultimately, a failure. thats how most(all) lies end.
It got me thinking about some long cons of history.

American Politics
The News Media
Fad Diets

Just a few named here, but as a rule, they follow a pattern. First they tell you what you want to hear, then they offer a solution, then they are revealed to service their own agenda.
Politicians- I dont think I need to explain any further
The News Media- Brian Williams, CNN, Fox News, all want ratings for advertising dollars, therefore twisting the news to their benefit
Fad Diets- Buy this pill and you will be skinny
I'm not saying all are liars and cheats, but when did we stop questioning people and just accepting what people say is truth?
The most influential people in history have been the thinkers, the Steven Hawkings, the Carl Sagans, The Benjamin Franklins, The Walter Cronkites, The Richard Simmons'.
I try to look for alternatives to conventional "wisdom" and I think others would benefit from it also.



Thats all for now,
Pistolgrip Out.

I wish I were Tom Hanks

Well, Hello!
Welcome back to my humble abode.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about bucket lists lately. My own personal one has been filling up the proverbial bucket for quite some time now. Sometimes we meander through life with out clear direction, sometimes with laser focus, Mine has, admittedly, been pretty much a shiny things! lets go! kind of existence. But all that changes right now. Man, I could go for a sandwich..........or some cake. Yeah, cake would be perfection.
Back to bucket lists. I was thinking about people who accomplish things in life, philosophers, composers, artists, inventors, etc. all have a few things ( I believe) in common. Firstly, Drive. they seem to not stop, no matter what obstacles get in their path. a truly admirable trait. Second, Passion. It's a vehicle used by joy, fueled by wild abandon for civilized conventionality, to reach a pinnacle of existence. (wow, that was deep). Third, Luck. You can accomplish a lot of stuff, if your in the right place at the right time. I know, no shit Sherlock.
At times I have wished for more of each of these, never realizing I had more than enough already. I had just been reluctant to accept it. Each one of these traits are within us, we just need to cultivate them. thats the hard part. We all want to be better people, but its hard, ya know? What is easy is to rest on your accomplishments, forget what makes you happy, or believe something is conspiring against you and blame, blame, blame. Thats the tough one. I could be a little better at making my own luck.
After great contemplation, I have decided that there is one person who is an expert at accomplishment.

That man is Tom Hanks.

I submit for your approval a few of said accomplishments:

He was engaged to Tawney Kitaen and threw an awesome bachelor party.
He spent 7 years or so on a desert island with only a volleyball named Wilson, learned how to fish with a stick, and made a raft to sail home.
He was Antonio Banderas' soulmate while living in Philadelphia and battling a wasting disease.
He almost single handedly saved private Ryan.
He traveled to lunar orbit with Kevin Bacon, slingshotted around the moon, and returned to earth.
He solved the Da Vinci code
He met Meg Ryan on the internet, them had a face to face with her at the top of the Empire State Building.
He also got to hang out with his best friend (also an astronaut) while wearing a cowboy suit and have many adventures to infinity and beyond.

This list is by no means complete, as Tom has plenty of Drive, Passion, and Luck.

Seriously, This guy must finish every day yelling "NAILED IT!'


Until next time,
Pistolgrip out.